


It Shouldn't Be That Bad

by BlackDragon2016



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Car Accidents, Death, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 13:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13147467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackDragon2016/pseuds/BlackDragon2016
Summary: Dan Howell broke the minute the car broke Rylin's bones. Completely shattered, he gave up on hope and so called "happiness." Nothing lasts forever. Her death taught him that.But then a strange blue-eyed boy walked up one day to give him flowers, and that might've just become the window of opportunity he needed to put his life back together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoy! :3

_It shouldn't have been that bad_...

I squinted as my flatmate flipped the switch on the wall, and light immediately flooded my room. "Rude," I muttered, blinking until my eyes adjusted. Rylin rolled her incredibly green eyes.

"Get up. We're going into town today." She stated firmly, a ghost of a smile flickering on her face. It made my heart warm a bit. Her golden hair was put up in a bun, and a few strands of it stuck out. The imperfection only seemed to make it more perfect.

"Why?" I asked, a bit confused. My bed seemed perfectly comfortable, why would I want to leave it?

"Okay, you lazy asshole, because you've been in here for like three days straight. Hopefully a bit of fresh air will blow away the odor of stale breath and outdated memes." She lifted an eyebrow, and I frowned.

"Alright, alright. Fine. Didn't have to bring the memes into this." I sighed as I struggled to get to my feet. It seemed a bit concerning that it took so much energy just to get out of bed.

She smiled at me, a flash of brilliant white that stayed in my mind longer than it should have. "Great. Let's go," Rylin stated excitedly, and it made my heart start to beat a bit faster.

_Why did this have to happen to her, of all people?_

I smiled. "You still haven't even told me where we're going." Though secretly I was pleased that she wanted to do something with me. I wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to be around.

"Let's start walking first. Then I'll tell you." I rolled my eyes.

About five minutes later we were walking down the streets of London. Rylin was a half a foot shorter than me, so whenever she talked I had to look down at her. The few strands of loose hair in her bun floated in the breeze, and I could smell the scent of vanilla, which was the lotion she had gotten for her past birthday. I had the sudden urge to hold her hand, but I forced it down and smiled at the joke she made instead. We weren't close like that, even if I wanted to be. Though everyone assumed we were, since we shared the same flat. Not that I minded their assumptions.

"So, I've decided that I'm gonna get a tattoo today," Rylin declared, her eyes bright, and I laughed.

"Okay, what made you decide that?"

"I was thinking, wouldn't it be cool if I had like a dragon on my arm or something? I would be badass." She nodded dramatically, and I laughed even louder.

"Is that the only reason we're coming out here today?" She nodded and I shook my head. I didn't bother asking why she wanted me to come, unreasonably nervous that if I asked she would decide against wanting me along with her. We've known each other for four years now, and she wouldn't do something like that. But just the thought of it, just in case, kept my mouth closed.

_I should've asked when I had the chance..._

The sun shine warmly on the back of my neck, a comfortable temperature with the breeze blowing in. I was suddenly glad that I wasnt sitting in my room anymore. This was much more enjoyable. Rylin just seemed to radiate so much life, just being around her made me feel happier, lighter. Her step was confident, completely sure of herself. She had that natural easy walk that I wished I had. Instead I was a ridiculously tall noodle with awkward arms and legs.

"You know, we could've just gotten a taxi," I said, it just dawning on me that I didn't actually have to walk.

She jabbed me with her elbow. "You need the excersize."

"Please. Scrolling through Tumblr is a perfect workout."

"I'm sure that's why you're out of breath everytime you do a small activity." We both laugh, and it felt good. The sun, the breeze, and Rylin. It was like a weirdly perfect combination that left me with a happy feeling in my chest. The people walking on the same sidewalk didn't even matter, weren't even on the same plane of existence.

_I should've known something would happen..._

"Are we there yet," I joked, feigning the loss of breath. Really I would be fine going like this all day.

"Um." she pulled out her phone. It had the black panda case on that I had gotten her for her birthday, and I smiled a bit. "Actually," she said, looking at the street signs around us, "We just have to cross the road and it's up a few blocks from there."

"There's a crosswalk up there," I said, pointing just a little ways ahead. It was at a busy traffic light, and lots of cars were piled behind one another. These always made me nervous, but it wasn't like there was another way across.

"Great. You know, Dan, you should really get a tattoo with me." She looked at me through the corners of her eyes.

"Um, yeah, no thanks." A tattoo definitely wasn't my thing. Maybe in an alternate universe where I was some cool teen punk, but not as an awkward nerd.

"That's really too bad. We could get matching ones," She offered, grinning mischievously.

"As tempting as that offer sounds, I'm gonna have to decline," I replied. I could just imagine us always joking around like this with each other. Maybe I could say something, drop a little clue that I liked her as more than just a friend. I would have to find the right time, the right moment. Ruining what we had now was the last thing I wanted to do.

_Too bad something else did_...

We arrived at the crosswalk button, and I pressed it. We waited for a few moments before I pressed it again with impatience. Finally the cars slowed and the signal for us to walk blinked on. "That took forever," I commented, stepping out onto the road. Rylin started power walking ahead of me.

"Let's go! That dragon is calling my name."

I sighed, stepping up my pace a bit. It was bad to be walking slowly on these things anyways. I always felt a bit awkward, knowing all the driver's eyes were on me.

My eyes flicked up as I head a loud engine. My step faltered and I took a sharp intake of breath. One of the cars on the opposite side of the intersection wasn't stopping for the stop light. My head snapped back to my right, where Rylin was already a bit more than halfway across, directly in the line of the car.

It all happened in slow motion. The car shot forward, not at all concerned with the fact that a person was crossing. Rylin turned, and her face morphed into fear for a split second- then the car slammed into her body, sending her flying towards the pavement on the far side of the road. I stood in shock, staring at the car. Silver. Toyota. Then it was gone, as fast as it arrived.

Cars started honking, and people got out of their cars to look. I stood there as I looked at her crumpled body. Then I forced my feet to move forward, impossibly slow. I approached her body and looked down in horror. Blood started forming a pool around her. The people on the sidewalks were yelling, yelling for other people to do something. But I knew there was nothing to be done. There was no way anything could come back from this. Her body was completely broken.

Rylin was dead. With the thought came a flood of tears, blurring my vision and taking the awful image away, but not for long, because it had already burned itself into my mind.

I stood there and cried, until I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and realized the paramedics had arrived. I hadn't even heard the sirens. How long had I been standing there? A kind looking man in his thirties lead me to the ambulance, saying something about shock and other things I wasn't paying attention to. He had one of those bright paramedic vests on. He vaguely mentioned something about me being lucky, so lucky that I wasn't a few feet farther forward.

But he's so, so wrong. I knew it as soon as her body hit the pavement. I wasn't lucky. She was gone.

The car should've just hit me too.


	2. New Manager

I stared up at the ceiling. Sometimes I could pretend to hear her voice calling my name to get out of bed. I laid there, not moving an inch. Everything was the same in my room, but nothing was the same inside.

The car slammed into her, sent her body flying...

I sighed, and ran a hand through my hair. I hadn't even been to work in a week. They told me they 'understood' and were giving me 'time to heal' but I had no idea how much time that actually was. I looked around sadly. I wouldn't be able to afford this flat by myself for much longer. I didn't want to leave it, it had _her_ room in it. Not that there's much stuff in it left. After the funeral her family had come over and went through her things, taking what they wanted and only leaving a few objects behind.

I had to get up and go to work, try my best to make enough money to afford this place. But my limbs felt like lead and the heavy feeling in my chest felt suffocating.

I took a deep breath. I'm fine. I was going to get my ass up and go to work. Yes.

With the little motivation I had left I pulled myself up and out of bed. This day was going to be fine. I was going to work like any other twenty-four year old.

When I arrived after taking a taxi, my coworker at the front desk did a double take when she saw me. "Dan!" She exclaimed, her eyes widening. "It's so good to see you. How are you?"

I force a thin lipped smile. "I'm good, thanks." Jenny gave me a once over, and I cringed inwardly. I didn't have to look in the mirror to know my eyes looked red and puffy, and my hair was disheveled. But she gave no sign of seeing a difference, which I was thankful for.

"Why don't you head on over and see Jason, sweetheart. I think he wanted to talk with you about something." She gave me a sympathetic look, and I groaned a bit. Jason was the new dickhead manager, who seemed to have an automatic hatred towards me. Whatever he wanted wasn't good.

I couldn't even get in the building for two seconds without something bad happening. Whatever. I can just get through the day, and try to forget everything on Tumblr after work. Thankfully my shift just went until 4. Being an employee for a large company wasn't exactly my ideal job. In fact, the only way I normally tolerated it was imagining going back home and seeing Rylin.

Just thinking the name gave me a lump in my throat. I nodded once more to Jenny, then I headed to the lift. Pressing the button for the fifth floor, I waited, tapping my foot with a mixture of impatience and nervous energy. Finally it dinged, and the doors slid open. I entered the hallway, walking down it to the big door ahead. Before I entered I paused, looking to my right. A window looked out onto the busy street below.

Then I breathed it deeply and turned the doorknob. Jason was at his desk, his head close to the computer screen in concentration, but when he heard the door he looked up. "Dan!" He said with false enthusiasm and a fake smile. "Come in, come in." I closed the door behind me and stood in front of the chair that was placed in front of the desk. There were only a few objects on it. A shiny golden nameplate that read Jason Yerow, a small trophy of some sort, and a signed baseball in a small glass case. No pencils, paper, or anything.

The guy himself looked well groomed, like he spent hours on his appearance every morning. His blonde hair was styled short and not a single hair out of place. His dress shirt was perfectly ironed like every other time I saw him. Any other time I would've been intimidated, but my heart wasn't in it today. Or any day since Rylin...

"You look horrible, mate." He said with a quick assessment. I didn't say anything. He smiled at me again. "Come, sit down." I really didn't want to, but I sat in the chair anyways.

"Now, Dan, I've heard you've been having a hard time lately." I didn't say anything, confused about where this was headed. "I'm really sorry to hear about... What happened." I nodded. He paused. "You know Dan, this company has been around for a while." My eye twitched. He was the _new_ manager, just appointed to the position a couple _months_ ago. "It's expanding every year, and it's crucial that we have employees that can keep up with the high demands. I've been getting lots of applications from students right out of college- students with degrees behind them." I squeezed the armrests of the chair, feeling like I was suddenly going to throw up. "I just simply don't see you doing your best here. What I'm trying to say is, I think your talents are wasted here and would be better put to something else."

" _What?"_ I asked, completely shocked. He was firing me?

"I know that this has been a rough time on you-"

"Are you kidding me? My closest friend just died in front of me only a week ago," I said in outrage.

Jason's tone was sympathetic enough, but his eyes were cold. "I'm sorry Dan. There's nothing we can do for you. Of course we will give you a weekly payment to give you time to find a new job. I wish you the best."

I swallowed, completely numb now to any feeling. I stood up stifly and exited the room. The lift ride didn't even enter my mind. My body was now in autopilot. When I walked through the lobby, I heard Jenny call out to me.

"Dan? Dan! Where are you going?" I stopped abruptly, not even bothering to turn around.

"I was let off," I said. Suddenly the numbness wore off, and a feeling of despair washed over me. I didn't wait for her answer, and instead walked out of the building. Hot air and noise greeted me, but none of it was relevant. I breathed in through my nose, trying not to cry and look like an idiot on the pavement.

Jobs weren't that easy to come by. Especially for someone like me, who dropped out of college and literally has no skills. Shit. What was I going to do now? I'm not going back to the flat. It would just make me feel even more like a failure.

Oh, what am I doing? My life had turned from good to this in one week. One week. Suddenly walking seemed to waste too much energy, and I flopped down on the closest metal bench and put my head in my hands. Nobody paid attention to me. Everyone had their own lives to manage, and they walked past without a glance.

My entire life had fallen apart. A single tear ran down my cheek, and I didn't bother to wipe it away. Rylin was gone, and I didn't even have a way of supporting myself. What was even the point of this?

What was the point of this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your thoughts and comments!

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate all thoughts and comments!


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